I am worthy.

This week was one of the busiest work weeks I have had in a while. It meant early mornings, back-to-back meetings, wrapped up with dinner meetings and long drives home. So naturally both of my kids caught some kind of virus and were home sick most of the week. [insert face palm here].

Nora caught it first, her temp spiked Sunday night which meant that I had to cancel and move her Cleft Care Team appointment to June. It was a bummer but it was also a relief because I felt like God was taking one thing off my plate for the week. That is until Stella got off the bus Monday afternoon complaining of a headache, which sure enough led to a fever for her as well.

NoraSick_5.5.19

I am SO thankful for my Mom who is retired, lives nearby and was willing to take care of my sick kiddos for a few days this week but even with that help, we still had middle of night fever checks which led to medicine distribution and LOTS of prayers that Mike and I wouldn’t get whatever this was.  By Wednesday evening, Nora was feeling much better and we were starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, only for my Mom to text with an update Thursday evening that Nora (who had been temp free for over 24 hours) was reading a 102 temp again.

I lost it! I was driving in my car to pick them and my anger shot through the roof. I’m pretty sure steam was coming from my ears. I called my husband, spoke way to harshly at him, hung up and started to cry. I was exhausted and it was time to call in reinforcements. I exhaled a breathless prayer,

“Lord, help! I’m so tired and I was feeling so hopeful that things were coming to an end this week and now I feel like I’ve lost all control again.  Lord, I know my anger is because I’m exhausted and heart broken. Please give me the strength I need to get through tonight and more importantly to be the Mother they need me to be right now.”

I would like to tell you that a miracle happened, a bright light shined down and healed my kids but actually Stella’s fever spiked again too. However, he did help me keep my anger, frustration and exhaustion in check, he did help me approach the situation with understanding and love – which is tough to do with a whiny, over-dramatic 6 year old (maybe he did give me a miracle).

It turned out that both kid’s fevers were due to exhaustion (apparently it’s contagious) and with one round of Tylenol they were feeling better and were able to go to school and daycare on Friday. In fact we did the bad parenting thing and even let Stella perform in her Kindergarten Spring Concert on that night – it was totally worth it! I’ll post a photo on my Instagram page.

It wasn’t until I had caught up on sleep a few days later and had some quiet time that I stopped to ask myself why it took 4 days and full on rage to break me enough to ask God for help. Why not on day one? Why not the days before the fevers even began but I knew my work week would be busy? Why do I have to break before I call on Jesus for help?

Psalms 89:8 says, “Who is like you, Lord, God Almighty? You, Lord, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you.” I could tell you of at least 15 times in the last 6 months when he has shown his overwhelming faithfulness to me; and yet I wait until I can’t carry anymore to call out to him. Why? Maybe it’s my Type A, need for control. Or maybe it’s just laziness. Or maybe it’s because I feel like my little first world problems are not big enough to bring to our Almighty God.

In Luke 12:6-7, Jesus says, ” Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I don’t know about you, but this verse literally brings tears to my tired Mama eyes. As a parent, I know deep down this verse is true. That my Father, is looking down on me in love, waiting for me to ask him for help. Waiting for me to include him in my day. Waiting for me to share my life, my worries and my successes with him – just like I want my own children to do everyday.

I have been the kid who gets picked up from school or daycare, and when their parents asks what they did today, says, “nothing’.  This week, my goal is to stop being so hard on myself and to bring God, my LOVING Father, all of my fears, doubts and excitements. To start my day in prayer instead of just at night or in moments of panic. It is great o end your day with thankfulness but let’s begin it with God’s grace as well. Personally I think it’s “self-care” at it’s finest.

Hope you all have a great week. Follow me on Instagram or Facebook to stay in touch during the week – I try to share updates and funny stories throughout week there.

God Bless!

Author: Jamie Yanisch

I am Mom to two little girls named Stella and Nora. I am a believer in Jesus Christ, and I strive to have a deeper relationship with Him. I was born and raised in the Twin Cities and I live within 15 minutes of most of my family and friends. My faith, family and friends are truly the most important thing to me. My motherhood story is a little different because both of our daughters were born with a different congenital birth defect. This is my journey to becoming a joyful mama.

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